


like breathing

by GucciAspirin



Series: things ppl told me to write [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Drowning, F/F, Life Guard AU, drowning related trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 08:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10213343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GucciAspirin/pseuds/GucciAspirin
Summary: she never thought about drowning // prompt cross posted from tumblr





	

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: "hey! i saw u were taking prompts, and i'd like to suggest kotonico lifeguard au? kotori's the lifeguard and nico is gay and also kotori is gay"  
> ~all mistakes mine and warning that there is trauma related to almost drowning ~

 

She never thought about drowning.

Water above her head, around her body, surrounding her skin. It’s so light and free until you can’t escape it. Until it’s in your lungs, your nose, your eyes. Nico is screaming with what air she has left.

It burns. No one ever mentioned how drowning burns. How it feels like her body is going to explode, how she feels full. She kicks. Her foot hurts, her ankle. What happened before she was in the water? How did she get in the water?

Why can’t she get out. _Out out out._ She thinks that word over and over and keeps kicking and if there wasn’t water every where Nico thinks she would be crying.

_Out._

She’s climbing a latter except her feet are tied down.

Black dots blur her vision.

She never thought about drowning. She never thought about dying. She’s dying. She thinks of how she’s 17. And she remembers her last birthday party, the birth of Cocoro, the death of her father.

Did he see her?

Why can’t she get out. The black comes back. _Why can’t she get out?_ She sees her mother taking something out of the oven and smiling.

Something that’s not water clouds her body. Noises. Hands. Everything is black. She thinks, _out_ , again. Mouth, her mouth, somebody else’s mouth. Black. Her lungs burn, and she feels a push. She’s still in the water. Maybe.

Nico sees her dad picking her up. _Number one idol in the universe._

Black.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

When Nico opens her eyes she is nowhere near water. Everything around her is white. Her body is cold. She opens her mouth, then covers it quickly with her hand. Flashes of water rushing in come to her, and when she tries to talk her voice is shot. She touches her throat.

Nico looks to her side and sees a girl she’s never seen before sleeping. She has long, light brown hair tied up with a loop on the side. What the hell is going on? Maybe Nico is dead, and she’s like an angel or something.

Nico tries to stand but _fuck._ Her ankle. She looks around frantically, only to find the girl’s eyes slowly flutter open. She’s pretty, not that Nico can think much about that.

“Nico?” the girl says, groggy. She smiles then. Who the hell is she? “Oh!” she says, as if remember that - logically - Nico has no clue who she is. “We should call in the doctor.”

“Wait!” Nico shouts. It hurts, and it’s barely a rasp, but it gets the girls attention.

She smiles again, head ducking. “Your siblings are in the children’s room, and your mother is on her way from her business trip.”

Nico nods. She doesn’t know what else to say. She’s confused. What the hell happened. Nico remembers the pain, her body, the latter that went nowhere. She feels a tear roll down her cheek.  They were at the beach, and then…and then she was in the water. Nico can’t remember what happened next.

“I’ll get the doctor,” the girl says. She tilts her head to the side and smiles before walking towards Nico and patting her on the knee. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Her voice is warm, caring. Nico still has no clue who she is. Have they met before maybe?

She leaves, and Nico’s head is too fuzzy to clarify any of the thoughts buzzing around.

“Yazawa, Nico?” A voice says. She looks up and sees a tall man hovering. Her doctor, presumably. He steps closer. “Are you aware of what happened, Miss Yazawa?”

Nico opens her mouth and then closes it.

“You got swept up by the tide and almost drowned.” He says it in a way that’s mostly formal, as if he’s telling her an uninvolved fact. “Luckily the lifeguard found and saved you before you were swept out too far.” He looks over his shoulder quizzically. “She stayed as well. I’m assuming she’ll be in the waiting room until your mother comes.” The doctor shakes his head.

“My siblings,” Nico says again, more panicked. Oh God. Did they try and go after her? The girl mentioned them, but-

“They’re fine,” he reassures.

Nico swallows. “Who is the girl?” she asks. Nico touches her throat again. it hurts so much.

“I don’t remember. We don’t usually allow non family members in, but-”

“Can you…ask her to come back?” Nico says.

He nods. “She got you right in time. There was no detrimental damage. Your throat will be sore for a few days,” he says. “When you got swept away something must have hit your foot. The ankle is twisted. We’ll put you on a mild pain reliever.”

Nico nods yes because she doesn’t want to speak anymore. Her body feels crumpled.

The Doctor then stands and leaves, and the girl comes back in. She looks tired as well, but Nico didn’t realize it before.

“Did you need something?” she asks. Jeez, what is she some kind of nurse?

“What’s your name?” Nico rasps.

She blushes and giggles. “Oh. You don’t know me, I forgot.” _Who forgets something like that?_ “Kotori Minami,” she says, and then, “I think we go to school together. I’m a second year.”

Nico stares skeptically but can’t answer. “Thank you,” she says, quiet and mumbled.

Kotori shrugs, her body upright. Nico can’t picture this girl with a frown. “It’s my job,” she says. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Nico says.

“Of course I did!” Kotori says, and now she looks a little upset. It’s…cute. Nico probably looks like crap right now. Pale skin, cracked lips, beach hair. “Your siblings were upset. I can get them to come back, though I think they’re probably sleeping. It’s late.” She bites the inside of her cheek. “Your mother should be here really soon.”

Nico sighs to herself. She wasn’t supposed to be back for another week…

“She was really worried,” Kotori says. “How are you feeling?”

Nico narrows her eyes. “Like crap,” she says. Her voice cracks slightly so it loses its impact.

“Well, I hope you feel better soon,” she says, and Nico gets the feeling that she means it despite them barely knowing each other.  “Do you want me to stay until she’s here?”

Nico stalls for a second. She almost says yes. There is something about Kotori’s presence that’s calming, but at the same time - she doesn’t know this girl at all. “No,” Nico says. “But thank you.” Her cheeks feel hot for a split second and she wonders why.

Kotori nods. “Feel better.”

* * *

 

Nico is back to school a few days later. She told Mama she felt better, if only to stop her from panicking. Physically, she does feel better. Her ankle is still sore and she’s on crutches - but her voice is fine, her body is fine.

She can’t sleep, though. Every time she closes her eyes she sees the darkness, and feels that pain in her lungs. The helplessness is with her constantly. The sting of ocean water in her eyes. She remembers wanting to breathe so badly, if she could just breathe, _breathe breathe breathe._ Nico takes a huge gulp of breath now just to test herself. The air feels like too much.

She shakes her head and walks towards her classroom before being stopped by a high pitched bell of a voice. “Nico?”

Nico turns her head only to see Kotori. Right. She said she went here. Nico’s never seen her, though she doesn’t talk to anyone much. The school year just started, so maybe Kotori is new?

“Oh. You,” Nico says. She fumbles. How to act around the person who saved your life? Normally Nico has been known for being standoffish, but how can she even think of being that way right now. How to act, how to act. “Ah - I have class,” she says, quiet. Not as brash as she might to someone else. She could say get lost, but that doesn’t feel _right,_ and for some reason Nico wants to be right with Kotori.

“Right,” Kotori says, smiles. She has a charming smile. Not quite at Nico’s level, but close. “Do you know where the alpaca’s are?”

Huh? Nico gives her a confused look. “The animals?” she asks.

“Yes! Do you want to have lunch with me?” Her cheeks turn red for a second, but nothing falters about that smile. She’s so cute…Nico doesn’t get why she’s so cheery.

“Yeah,” Nico says. Her normal brazen left and went the second Kotori gave her CPR, she supposes. Nico’s cheeks burn a bright red. CPR…That was probably like Nico’s first kiss, right? Dammit. She’s being cute again.

“I brought too much food today,” Kotori says, leaning in with her hands out, though Nico’s not sure what the gesture means.

“Okay,” Nico says. “Well, I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Yes!”

Nico turns and heads to class. She’s so nice, and for what reason? People are never just _that_ nice to Nico. Whatever.

Nico supposes she deserves it in someway, and smiles to herself because it’s the first time since the beach that she’s been moderately happy.

When lunch rolls around, Nico walks to the animal pens only to find Kotori waiting. It smells awful. Nico scrunches up her nose and walks up to Kotori.

“Hey,” she mumbles.

“Nico!” Kotori says, bubbly as ever. It’s like she’s known Nico for years. She has food laid out. Nico already has her own lunch.

“You could have some of mine,” Nico says, and trying to muster her usual confidence she says, “Nico made it herself so it’s sure to be great!”

Kotori laughs, but not in a condescending way. Nico bites her lip to tamper down the genuine grin she wants to give. “I’m sure it will be.”

They sit together, folding out their food. It all looks good. Kotori has cheesecake laid out, and watches Nico as she takes a bite out of one of the slice. “What?” Nico asks.

“You eat dessert first?”

Nico wipes her mouth. “Ah,” she doesn’t know what to say.

“I love cheesecake,” Kotori then says. “I do that too.”

Oh. Okay. So Nico didn’t do something stupid.

After a few minutes of silent eating, Nico clears her throat. “Uh, I just wanted to say - thank you again. For getting me out of the water.” She looks down, blushes.

“It’s my job as life guard on the weekends,” she says. “I’m sorry for not getting you sooner. There were just so many people and I lost sight of you, and then you were somewhere else.”

Nico’s eyes widen. “You were watching me before?”

Kotori swallows and takes a bite of food. “I’ve noticed you in school before,” she says, grinning around her food. “You’re always so cute.”

“Eh?” Nico says. “I mean, of course I am. Cute, I mean. Always.”

“I know!”

“Right,” Nico says.

“So are you in any clubs?”

“No,” Nico says. A sharp annoyance hits her. Failed idol club, first year.

“Oh.” Kotori frowns slightly as if she’s picked up on the irritation.

“You?”

“I want to start a fashion club where I can make cute clothes,” she says. “I make most of my own clothes when I can. I’ve talked to my mom about it a few times.”

“Your mom?”

“Principle Minami.”

Nico tries to act like she’s not impressed. “Oh. Cool,” she says. “I’ve always been interested in making my own clothes too. I’ve sewn some stuff for my siblings.”

Kotori laughs to herself. “They’re cute,” she says. “Like their sister.”

_Again._ Nico chokes on a piece of her sandwich.

“But you should join my fashion club,” Kotori says before Nico can respond. “If it ever gets made, I mean.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah,” Nico says. What is she saying? She has no interest in a club.

The bell rings, and Kotori stands. “Looks like we need to get back,” she says. “Lunch was nice, we should do it again!”

“Yeah,” Nico says. Why can she suddenly say nothing but yes right now?

“If you’re interested after school on Wednesdays I lifegaurd at the local pool. You should come by, if you’d like. You don’t have to swim or anything,” she says quickly. “It could be like a date.”

“Date?”

“Mhmm,” Kotori nods, then starts to walk backwards a bit. “Would you want to?”

“Yeah,” Nico says. Dammit. “I mean-”

“Great!”

She walks away with a peppy spring in her step, and Nico wonders what the hell just happened.

* * *

 

Nico doesn’t go to the pool. It’s not that she doesn’t want to, but the thought of water is antagonizing. Even bathing scares her. She hates the fear, it’s silly. But with water she always remembers not being able to get out.

Nico meets up with Kotori by chance at lunch. She hadn’t planned to, but Nico was curious. Does she always eat here? And why? It’s so smelly.

Kotori smiles with a tilt of her head. “Nico!” she says.

“Hi.” Nico bites the inside of her lip. “Sorry I didn’t go wednesday.”

“Hm? Oh!” Did she really forget? “I was disappointed, but I understand.”

“Were you waiting for me?”

“I had to feed the alpacas,” she says. So that’s a no. Nico’s still glad she caught up. “Did you want to have lunch again?”

Nico blushes and turns her head. “No. I mean - why, would you?” she breathes out.

“We can go to my friends table,” Kotori says, ignoring the stumble. “Or eat here.”

Friends… Nico blinks two times, heavy. Well, this girl did save her life. Nico supposes she shouldn’t brush her off. Nico doesn’t want to anyways. She puffs out her chest. “If you want to enjoy the company of Nico, we can have lunch with your friends.”

“Of course I do,” Kotori says. So serious, but so light. As they’re walking together, Kotori looks over. “Whenever you want, you can come by. You don’t have to, though.”

Nico nods, bites her lip. “I won’t swim.”

“That’s okay.”

“But I guess I… could tan. And look cute.”

“Okay,” Kotori says. “Whenever you want.”

* * *

 

It takes Nico a few weeks to muster up the courage to go to the pool. Though in that time she does eat lunch with Kotori a lot. Her friends are nice enough. Honoka and Umi. Umi is the most reserved of the three, Honoka the least. Nico wouldn’t call them all friends yet, but she _might_ refer to Kotori as a friend.

She’s cute, and nice, and has a nice smile, and pretty. And - and - Nico is gay. And weak. Nico remembers when Kotori said the word date and wonders what she meant by that. Ah, Nico’s probably overthinking it. Better to just be cool.

Nico stumbles in through the pool gates after settling her back straight, and Kotori notices her right away. Great.

She’s sitting on a tall post. She’s got on a navy, one-piece that shows the slender curves and Nico is still gay.

The pool isn’t too busy, mostly old people. Kotori waves her over, and Nico stays far from the ledge.

“Hey,” she says, forced, the word lodging uncomfortable out of her throat. “Ah,” she sighs. “I’ve been meaning to come here, but the crowd isn’t really my scene.” That sounds cool. “Nico can’t just be seen anywhere, you know!”

Kotori giggles and climbs down. “I like your bathing suit.” Nico looks down to her noticeably flat body, the pink two piece covering up something that’s barely there. Maybe she shouldn’t have come to the pool. “Really,” Kotori says, in some strange reassurance as if she knew what Nico was thinking.

“You can layout over here.” Kotori gestures to a layout chair next to her post. “I’ve been saving it on my shifts just in case.”

“Oh,” Nico says. “Thanks.” She gets out her suntan lotion. The sun is hot today, she’ll be burnt within 15 minutes. Slowly Nico lathers it on, trying not to notice that Kotori is looking at her. She turns. “What?” she says after a moment.

Kotori laughs, leans in _way too close._ She brings her index finger to Nico’s face and rubs it on top of Nico’s nose. “You didn’t rub it in all the way.”

Nico touches her nose. “I did that on purpose. You know, because - ah - my nose burns easily.”

Kotori moves to grab the lotion, dabs it on her finger and brings it back to Nico’s nose. “Sorry then,” she says, dipping it there. Kotori’s teeth catch her lip. “Do you need help with your back?”

Nico looks her up and down again. The whistle dangles from her neck and Nico wonders why she’s over here, making Nico gay, instead of lifeguarding or something. “Yes,” Nico says, like an idiot.

But the damage is done. Nico lies on her front while Kotori moves her hands all down her back. “I don’t want you to get any skin damage,” she murmurs near Nico’s ear. _Holy god._ Her hands are smooth, and move slowly along the slickness of Nico’s skin. Nico squirms when she reaches the divots toward her lower back. “All done,” Kotori says after a few moments. Thank god.

“Th-thanks.”

“You’re so flustered,” she says. Nico covers her face before dropping her hands and scowling.

“I’m not! It’s just hot.”

“Of course. Well, I’ll come down in about thirty, that’s when I go on break.”

“Yeah, okay.” Nico watches her climb the stand again. She lingers on her rear for a second before snapping her head away.

She thought going to the pool might make her more nervous, but then again her and Kotori have talked about that before on their lunches alone. The water. The fear. Kotori mentioned having an incident when she was younger at the pool.

Nico wonders how she got past that, if Nico will ever get passed it. Kotori thinks she will, one day, with time.

In the meantime, Nico soaks up sun and nothing else. Occasionally she glances up at Kotori. She uses the whistle once when some kids come in and run near the edge, but she nice about it. Brats. Finally, when the break is up, another guard comes in.

Kotori stands next to her. “Wanna go somewhere?”

“Where?” Nico asks, though she’s already standing.

Kotori tilts her head and smiles. She’s either going to kill Nico or, or - Nico doesn’t know.

Nico shrugs and follows. If it were anyone else she would demand to know, but she can’t with Kotori.

She leads them to a small section out back with grass and a few benches but nothing else. “I like to get away from the chlorine smell,” she says.

Nico swallows, nods and sits down next to her. “So this is where you always go on your break?”

“Mhmm,” she chirps.

Nico clasps her hands together. “I still don’t want to swim.”

“That’s okay.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever want to swim.”

Kotori looks at her. “That’s okay too.”

“Hey, Kotori?”

“Hm?”

Better now than never. “When you mentioned that this would be like a date…?” Nico leaves it hanging.

Kotori stares at her, hard for a second, her lips tilted down and brows furrowed just a bit. She leans in and kisses Nico. Quickly, but on the lips. When she pulls away there is a dab of sunscreen on her nose. Nico is too stunned to laugh. “Date,” she says. “Was that okay?”

Nico smiles and nods. “You have sunscreen on your nose.”

Kotori touches her nose, and Nico leans in and kisses her. This time a little bit longer. Her lips are chapped from the sun, but Kotori’s are soft. They’re both warm. Nico pulls away.

Kotori chuckles after one extremely long and quiet second.

“What?” Nico says, pouting a little.

“Nothing.” She’s so strange. Nico bites her lip so she won’t smile, and when Kotori moves in she only jumps slightly.

  
Kotori holds out her hand, and Nico takes it.

 


End file.
